No More Diapers in 2013!

In accordance with the New Year, I was reflecting on the fact that after 9 years and 10 months straight of changing diapers, potty training and the like, I no longer have anyone in those stages.  Leif has not had an accident in over a week.  Okay, I do have a little issue with Josie wiping poop on things where poop does not belong in the bathroom like walls, toliet paper holder, towels, or last night, feeding turds that were under her pillow to the dog...that was just weird.  She tried to tell us that they were the dog's turds, but I can tell the difference, and she finally confessed.  I hope you are totally belly laughing by now, because that is pretty much what I did...again...who does these things?

But in all, it is a strange little death and resurrection, for all the while I was diapering, I was looking forward to not having to do it anymore.  The babies were okay for the most part, but after foods are introduced, it's just so nasty. However, now I mourn their littleness passing. 

Leif is already able to read several words:  Leif, Josie, Yes, No, Stop, Devo, and Rush. His one little baby thing left is that he still wants to rub my hair in the night, and we still let him sleep with us.  As uncomfortable as it is, I'm going to let it last as long as possible just to hold onto the last vestiages of "baby" that I can. 

But the resurrection is this sense of freedom that I don't have to carry a diaper bag, that everyone can buckle themselves into their seatbelts, that everyone can use words to tell me that they want and need and no one needs to take a nap to get through the day.  I foresee a great year where fewer babysitters are needed and more daytrips can be taken, where we can do more as a whole family.

I know I'll still want more "baby", but preschool and elementary school are great ages to love too, and I've got to get my fill in before those teen years start! I figure the next two or three years will be "golden years"--no babies and no teens.  LOL

Here's to 2013!  Happy New Year!

Putting A Good Face on Parenting?

I was just checking on Learning to Be a Newlywed to see how her baby was doing.  She just lead me to think about how so many of us are not alone in wanting to put a positive spin on the sacrifices of parenting. 

But lest we forget, the Resurrection was preceded by the Cross (which is pretty ugly scene).  And the cross was preceeded by that Agony in the Garden and Jesus asking for reassurance that there might not be an easier way to get the job done.

SO it is with marriage and parenting.  I think we spend a lot of time in the Garden/Kichen/Bedroom, telling our Peter/kids/husband to quit retaliating against the enemy trying to cutting off ears/hiting eachother with toy golf clubs/comparing who did the most housework and shedding blood and tears wondering if there is not a better way to bring Peace and Love to humanity/family/marriage.

 I think Jesus looked forward to the end....He did announce, "It is finished." Is there a parent who does not rejoice a little in the "dying of the day" when the kids are tucked in and the house is set to rights and there is hope for Resurrection in the morning?

13th Wedding Anniversary

We celebrated our 13th Anniversary with our usual date to the Olive Garden and Barnes & Noble.  By usual I mean, that is what we did on our wedding night, and pretty much every anniversary since then. Yes, we really did on our wedding night, LOL!  What else do you do when you are NFPing??   This time we also threw in a browse through Toys-R-Us, which is kinda fun.  We decided a little hedgehog family toys best embodied our marriage and family. Cute but a little prickly.

But being that it is our anniversary the question of "what are we" and "what are we becoming" was in the forefront of my mind.  If you have been reading this blog, then you probably are not suprised that we are not what I imagined we would be this far into our married life.  But I am fairly certain that God has a plan for a future full of hope, that He is slowly forming us into a more perfect copy of His image and likeness.  All the heartaches and pains that were not caused by our own sinfulness, are just a part of His Divine Plan which we only have a meager glimpse of from this perspective.

Adjusting to Dan's new 3rd shift schedule, the kids being out of school, and I trying to work my full hours to actually make ends meet has been very hard. We have gotten to spend a little more time together each day, but none of it together alone or even each by ourself really. So our whole family is stressed out, because it's just unnatural to go so long without some "down time." We did enjoy our trip to Six Flags (thanks to Grandma for treating us!) especially since we did not have any meltdowns and did not lose any children the whole day (Thank you, LORD), but it was busy-action-packed-fun, not quiet-relaxing-enjoyment.

I resolve to be more intentional about carving out time for Dan and I to be quiet-alone together so that we do not grow apart during this summer.  And I promised him I would re-join him in our weight-loss efforts which I abandoned in March, but he has successfully continued to pursue on his own (I'm very proud of him).  We also talked about spending a little more one-on-one time with each child allowing them to pursue something they love--like maybe taking K to the planetarium, and G shopping, etc.

Lofty goals.

Last Day of School!

Today is the last full day of school.  I am not sure what we will become over the summer, but I am certain that it is going to involve becoming a lot more patient or a little more insane, or both simultaneously.

I have to say I know that Sophia is going to be surprised by her own report card, because I've noticed a LOT of really great grades coming home in her folder.  I'm not even sure what was different this quarter, except that she did start on the anti-anxiety med and her teacher said she was much more proactive in taking sensory time-outs when she needed them.  ...and they really did not have much "home" work either, which helped a lot too! LOL

We did decide that we are ready to move on to a new living situation, but we are patiently waiting for God to reveal to us what we should do, buy or rent?  Please send up a little prayer for us and for whomever is preparing to sell/make way for us.  I say this because when we sold our house two years ago, I prayed and prayed for the family who would buy it.  When we were fixing it up, painting, etc. I tried to do it with the mindset that I was preparing it for someone special, not just to sell it.  I wanted to acknowledge God's plan.  And so I was pleased when a church bought it to rent to their youth pastor's family.  It seemed right.  So now I'm praying for the family from whom we will buy or rent...they must be going through an transition in their lives too.  God's will be done.

Lent 2012

For Lent I've made a poster with 400 spots for us to write down things we are thankful for this Lent. Gianna is preparing for First Communion and I thought this would be a great way to help make the connection between Eucharist and thanksgiving.  I also want to finish reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp that I began so long ago, but still have a few chapters left.

I feel like this weekend DH and I talked about how we need to redouble our efforts to spend more time together and make our marriage & friendship come before the kids.  We don't really know what this will look like, but if we don't begin at least some intentional effort, the distance between us is only going to grow expodentially.  My conclusion is that it needs to include sharing more about our faith/doubts openly and spending more time together, including sleeping in the same bed without children between us (going to be hard to convince DS of that one) and getting out of the house together.

So we decided to read and discuss a book during Lent. DH picked out: "Simply Jesus: A New Vision of Who He Was, What He Did, and Why He Matters"  DH suggested this book because he thought we would both benefit from delving into the question:  Who is Jesus really??  N.T.Wright writes, "Unless you ask this question ("Are you who they say you are?"), your "Jesus" risks disappearing like a hot-air balloon off into the mists of fantasy.  This problem remains enormously important. "

I'm really glad DH suggested this because I think that it might really be at the heart of all his doubts, and of my own spiritual desert of late.  To me it has become all about me being a better person, but really, that is not what the heart of Jesus or his message was all about.

If we can ask the question "Are you who they say you are?" about Jesus, we might be able to ask the same thing about one another and learn something new as well.  Perhaps we will also include many things about eachother that we are thankful for on our poster.

Praying for a miracle.

What is a miracle anyway?  When we see the Hand of God at work in the world?  When prayers are answered in unexpected ways?  New life when you thought you had been forsaken?  If it’s any of the above, then I am in need of one…well, I want one anyway. 

Sometimes I feel like my life is definitely going in the “wrong” direction and I must have fallen asleep somewhere along the way, because it is turning into a nightmare.  In fact, I’m sure the LORD knows what He is about, and it is all going to make me a better person in the long run, but dreams die hard.  I really just want to wake up now and find myself in a cozy home with plenty of bedrooms, obedient children, no lingering loans or debts to be paid, the chance to go to daily Mass and volunteer at the school, and spend evenings on the couch with my husband.

But I know the LORD too well to actually *pray* for a miracle.  I know what kinds of miracles He gives…babies and illness, changing seasons and new relationships—things that will not necessarily make my situation better, but make me understand HIM better.  And frankly, though He encourages me to “be not afraid,” I am very afraid to take on more right now, even if it gives me a better glimpse at the Maker of the Universe.  I know I should not be.  I know the only way is to look beyond my *dream* world to see the bigger picture.

So I’m going to be setting my eyes on Jesus and trying to put my trust in Him…and if He gives me a miracle, it might just be that I will recognize its Beauty and Truth as more precious than hardships to follow.  But the prayers...well, you let me know if you want me to pray for *you* to get a miracle :)

Do not Be Afraid

I came across a radio program this week, I don't even know what station it was but it had a Christian talkshow on.  In the interview the author said that if we really understood that God is all good, all truth, all beauty, we would not ever be afraid.  The people without fear, who believe in an all good God are the most dangerous people in the world, because they have no fears to be controlled by. Faith if the ability to make decisions without fear, knowing that an God is all good.  So many Christians are caught up in trying to be good, trying to do mission work or evangelize, etc that they miss the real point.  If they are trying to get to heaven and don't care if Christ is there, then they are missing the point.  We ought to be trying to know and be with God for all eternity....trying to foster that personal relationship and understanding of the All Good God.  He also mentioned that prayer is the way one comes into union with God.  People consider prayer communication, but they often forget the communion part of it.

So all in all it was a really succinct reminder.  1) Do not Fear, God is All Good.  2) Make knowing God your priority and the rest will follow.  3) Enter into Communion with God through Prayer.